Welcome and good evening, good afternoon, good morning, ladies and gentlemen, lady and gentleman, ladies or gentlemen, lady or gentleman or any combination of the above, well I am nothing if not politically correct in my introduction and we all know how politically correct aunty beeb likes to be. I don't know what time of day and what sexual demographic this cd is going to be listened to by now do I? One has to keep all the bases covered when it comes down to the BBC comedy judging panel. I don't know if this is being listened to by a lone lady or gentleman in a broom cupboard somewhere in to depths of a BBC outpost or being popped in a beatbox on the stage of the radio theatre in front of hundreds of discerning comedy loving fans, in which case I apologise right here and now for literally shitting myself!!
I know the BBC is going through an austerity drive at the moment as we all are but to have us poor unsuspecting, budding comedy writers (slash) performers providing their staff with tea cup coasters in the form of Rewritable CD's is going far too far. I hope mine ends up underneath the Daily Politics mug of Andrew Neil. I have tried desperately for years to get my hands on one of those mugs. Religiously waiting, fingers poised over the keyboard to type in to google the things I see on the guess the year competition, then blasting off an email to the show, only to be let down by some also-ran politician at the end of the show as he OR she picks out the winner from the enormous mug. At least I would have the satisfaction that my BBC comedy entry cd was being put to good use!
There are lots of public services feeling the pinch of the smarmy git Osbourne's austerity measures at the moment.
The ambulance service has announced that they will only respond to emergency calls from people living or should I say dying at the top of a hill with a clear run down the hill to the hospital.
The metropolitan police have announced that all political and royal escort outriders will from now on be riding, and stopping the traffic on mountain bikes! So all you student types out there can easily stop another royal car for a bit of re-painting and photo opportunities by simply sticking your placard pole through the lead riders spokes!
Miners helmets are to be issued to people at their own expense for when they want to venture out at night as all street lighting in residential areas will be switched off, and street lighting in towns and cities will be switch on and off at regular milli second intervals throughout the night, at least all the weekend piss heads will still think they are in the disco as they stumble along the strobing streets!
Apparently if you are a fat, overweight, obese midget a certain weight watching company doesn't want to know your problems and refuses to allow you to register on their website unless you tell them a porky pie about your height and make out you are well above the four foot threshold. At least by doing so you will be stretching your cyber self, so that your excess weight will be an irrelevance, which will mean that their services won't be needed after all ...simples!
Sent from my iPhone4
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