A Christmas Time Birthday

Well now where to begin?

Oh I know, it has to be the sight of Debra arriving home from work on her final day before the start of eleven days annual leave. Yes you guessed it, her nose was red as Rudolph's, her voice was as grating as the Grinch and her spluttering chest was as if she had been down a few chimneys, ho-ho-ho-ing all the way! In short she was full of a cold.

We still had a day or two before our trip to our favourite Manchester hotel, the Radisson Edwardian for a night out to celebrate her Birthday so I was optimistic. Just to be on the safe side I contacted the hotel and asked about their cancellation policy. My ever vigilant eye for a good deal had worked against me this time. I had booked the room via Hotels.com in advance which meant paying up front with no cancellation refund available. Looks like we are hitting Manchester and staying over whatever state you are in were my thoughts, obviously I relayed them more diplomatically to Debra.

The day arrived and Debra's nose had turned from a scarlet red to a deeper crimson with crusty, flaking bits of skin hanging from her nostrils. Her being the trooper that she is slapped a load of cover up foundation on and numerous other concoctions to make herself look as gorgeous as ever and we made our way to the hotel. Our room wasn't ready so I borrowed a brolly from the concierge and handed over our bags (yes bags as in plural, after all this is Debra we are talking about). A swift walk around the Christmas Markets in Albert Square then off to the Arndale Centre, Havey Nicks and Selfridges interspersed with trips to various watering holes to keep me from dying of boredom. By the time we had had lunch and returned to the hotel I was like a pissed up pack horse lugging countless bags behind her. Shopping and a few beers must have a medicinal effect on women!

Back in the hotel, bags in our room waiting, shower change and out again to the Hilton for a meal and a bop on the dance floor. By ten o clock Debra was knackered and feeling very poorly so we decided against a trip to the cloud bar for our cocktails and made our way back, which in hindsight was probably a good idea as I had totally gone three sheets to the wind. The next morning we made our way back to the shops and I was a hung over pack horse for the duration! All in all it was a great day and night spent out and about in town.

Unfortunately Debra's Birthday was a tea total affair as her cold had turned into sinusitis and chest infection so she was dosed up to the nines with Antibiotics and flu treatments. I will skip over that.

Sunday after her Birthday arrived along with a covering of beautiful snow and a blue sky above that was truly amazing. It is on days like these, when the light is so wonderful that I wish for the skills to be able to paint such beauty. Debra was feeling better, so we made our way up to Milnrow for a rendezvous with the Vaudrey clan, Chris and Jenny at the Belavista. As I drove onto the car park I was amazed that none of it had been gritted and the slope seemed to be like an ice rink. I dropped Deb and the kids off as close to the doors as possible then made my way to a parking space as far away from any other car as I could, then trudged through the snow to the front door. Everyone was there already chatting away. None of the staff greeted us to take our coats so I took myself off to the cloak room and found a vacant hook. I got the drinks in and shortly after placing our orders we were whisked into the restaurant. Having sat down for less than a few seconds and some not even sat down the starters arrived and were plonked down. It was going to be one of those cattle market meals, I could feel it in my bones! Starters and Mains dealt with in short shrift I decided to stretch out the time a little with a visit to the toilet, only to find that upon my return a non democratic coup of a decision had been made that we were forgoing the desserts and coffee! Well I am very sorry but when I go out for a meal I expect to be sat down for a little longer and have a stodgy sweet and coffee to wash it down with. So I argued my corner (if I had a ball I would have taken it home) and low and behold other members of the party decided that they wanted sweets and coffee too. Once the bill had been settled, out we went into the ice rink oops sorry, car park. Deb and the kids waited for me to skate to the car and pick them up the other cars had a hell of a job getting up the slope. Times like these I am thankful of our 4x4 !

We all made it back to Sandra and Sefton's safely. Coffee and Debs home made biscotti served, we all sang happy birthday to Deb, Sarah and Sandra as they blew out the candles on the fabulous cake baked by Sandra. Slices of said cake followed as did the sugar rush from all the sweets. It was really nice to have a pre Christmas/Birthday get together.

However Debra was a bit disappointed that no one commented on her beautiful Georg Jensen necklace except to ask if you could see through the glass drop!

LoL

Fur Coat With Knickers

We have been back and forth to Manchester on our regular trips to trawl the shops, drink copious amounts of alcohol and gorge ourselves at our favourite Italian Restaurant Piccolino.

I thought it was my erudite company she was craving of course but alas it was something else she coveted. Something she seen in one of those little boutique shops that should have a government health warning displayed for all to see, warning of the risks to financial security and personal premature hair greying walking through those doors could and quite likely would entail!

You see she kept looking at dresses and coats and more dresses, every time just faltering at the point of ordering me to get my wallet out. But this particular Saturday afternoon she had a glint in her eye, a stride to her step telling me that she meant business. My heart sank as we entered the lair of that encapturing creature the boutique owner. She looked upon us with glee as she recognised that all her hard work over the past weeks had finally paid off and another mere mortal had come under her spell.

Eyes glazed and like a child on Christmas Day she was in a world of her own trying on this, that and the other until her eyes focused on the beautiful soft fur number pictured.

After trying it on, she looked stunning in it by the way as I am sure you would agree, I asked the mystical boutique goddess if there was any downward movement possible on the mind boggling price. I heard her state the price she had quoted earlier and distinctly heard her say that was the price it was. Me being me I took that to be a slight on my bargaining, bartering, negotiating skills and we just had to leave. Breaking the spell that had been placed upon my google eyed companion was a challenge though but I persevered.

Eventually we ended up in the delightful Browns Bar where after a cocktail (remember I told you earlier that we consumed copious amounts) or two to disperse the spell she asked me why we had so hastily retreated from her favourite shopping haunt when my eye fluttering had encouraged the boutique goddess to offer a £50 reduction? I nearly choked on my Peroni (that is an Italian drink by the way, not some sausage!) and immediately made a B-Line for said boutique. Needless to say that the item in question had been wrapped and ready for me upon entry into that enchanted place. I knew the boutique goddess was good but I didn't think she was that good.

The rest of the day was as ever a wonderful blast with my girl showing off her new purchase as we made our way via Vivienne Westwood (thankfully nothing purchased) to our usual eatery Piccolino next to the Town Hall. Ettore greeted us as old friends would do in mother Italy and we were given our usual table next to the window so that the hustle and bustle of Manchester life could be viewed as we soaked up the atmosphere of the best place in town!

Comedy Writing

On the day that the tickets go on sale, or lottery pick, or ballot allocation, or whatever they are describing the process of fleecing the great British public out of up to £2012 of hard earned dosh per ticket, the official count down clock situated in the heart of London's Trafalgar Square stops counting down! Apparently the contract signed by his right foppishness Boris (the ball bag) Johnson, Mayor Of London didn't stipulate what kind of sand should be used!

There are lots of public services feeling the pinch of that smarmy git George Osbourne's austerity measures at the moment. He has been going over his budget cuts in front of the cabinet ....the one with the gold and jewel encrusted louis the fourteenth mirror plonked on top in his bathroom! Rehearsing for the speech, where he will tell us and the rest of his multiple millionaire government to tighten our belts as he tightens his Louis Vuiton crocodile skin one


The ambulance service has announced that they will only respond to emergency calls from people living or should I say dying at the top of a hill with a clear run down the hill to the hospital.


The metropolitan police have announced that all political and royal escort outriders will from now on be riding, and stopping the traffic on mountain bikes! So all you student types out there can easily stop another royal car for a bit of re-painting and photo opportunities by simply sticking your placard pole through the lead riders spokes!


Miners helmets are to be issued to people at their own expense for when they want to venture out at night as all street lighting in residential areas will be switched off, and street lighting in towns and cities will be switch on and off at regular milli second intervals throughout the night, at least all the weekend piss heads will still think they are in the disco as they stumble along the strobing streets!


Apparently if you are a fat, overweight, obese midget a certain weight watching company doesn't want to know your problems and refuses to allow you to register on their website unless you tell them a porky pie about your height and make out you are well above the four foot threshold. At least by doing so you will be stretching your cyber self, so that your excess weight will be an irrelevance, which will mean that their services won't be needed after all ...simples!


The recent events in Japan are truly mind blowing and so sad to watch but I found myself gripped by the television coverage of the carnage, and then the aftermath.

A sixty year old man was found floating on what was described as a house roof ten miles out to sea by the Japanese navy. When they rescued him he was very angry with them and insisted they put him back on his raft as he wasn't adrift at all he was paddling his make shift raft to get as far away from the three nuclear reactors that were going into melt down!


The Americans have sent in the seventh fleet and have yet another aircraft carrier on standby off shore. Just how many aircraft carriers do the yanks have at their disposal, it kicks off in Egypt and there suddenly appears an aircraft off the coast in the red sea. Civil war rages on Libya and hey presto an American aircraft carrier steams into the mediterranean sea awaiting off shore to assist in any humanitarian way required. A chip pan fire happens in a house in middle wallop and low and behold an aircraft carrier is seen steaming up the high street and weighs anchor in the duck pond ready to assist if required!


Binocular the 2010 cheltenham champion hurdle winner has been withdrawn from this years festival due to an allergic reaction, yes an allergic reaction to the enormous syringe needle and the cocktail of speed inducing drugs pumping through his veins! I am kidding of course it was nothing quite so dramatic, it was a reaction to bed bugs!

Sent from my iPhone4

Comedy Sketch

Welcome and good evening, good afternoon, good morning, ladies and gentlemen, lady and gentleman, ladies or gentlemen, lady or gentleman or any combination of the above, well I am nothing if not politically correct in my introduction and we all know how politically correct aunty beeb likes to be. I don't know what time of day and what sexual demographic this cd is going to be listened to by now do I? One has to keep all the bases covered when it comes down to the BBC comedy judging panel. I don't know if this is being listened to by a lone lady or gentleman in a broom cupboard somewhere in to depths of a BBC outpost or being popped in a beatbox on the stage of the radio theatre in front of hundreds of discerning comedy loving fans, in which case I apologise right here and now for literally shitting myself!!

I know the BBC is going through an austerity drive at the moment as we all are but to have us poor unsuspecting, budding comedy writers (slash) performers providing their staff with tea cup coasters in the form of Rewritable CD's is going far too far. I hope mine ends up underneath the Daily Politics mug of Andrew Neil. I have tried desperately for years to get my hands on one of those mugs. Religiously waiting, fingers poised over the keyboard to type in to google the things I see on the guess the year competition, then blasting off an email to the show, only to be let down by some also-ran politician at the end of the show as he OR she picks out the winner from the enormous mug. At least I would have the satisfaction that my BBC comedy entry cd was being put to good use!

There are lots of public services feeling the pinch of the smarmy git Osbourne's austerity measures at the moment.

The ambulance service has announced that they will only respond to emergency calls from people living or should I say dying at the top of a hill with a clear run down the hill to the hospital.

The metropolitan police have announced that all political and royal escort outriders will from now on be riding, and stopping the traffic on mountain bikes! So all you student types out there can easily stop another royal car for a bit of re-painting and photo opportunities by simply sticking your placard pole through the lead riders spokes!

Miners helmets are to be issued to people at their own expense for when they want to venture out at night as all street lighting in residential areas will be switched off, and street lighting in towns and cities will be switch on and off at regular milli second intervals throughout the night, at least all the weekend piss heads will still think they are in the disco as they stumble along the strobing streets!

Apparently if you are a fat, overweight, obese midget a certain weight watching company doesn't want to know your problems and refuses to allow you to register on their website unless you tell them a porky pie about your height and make out you are well above the four foot threshold. At least by doing so you will be stretching your cyber self, so that your excess weight will be an irrelevance, which will mean that their services won't be needed after all ...simples!

Sent from my iPhone4

The Benidorm Girl Comes Home

It has been rather strange this week.  My Mum has been in Benidorm with her dancing (biddies) buddies and I have had this funny feeling of anxiety.  I kept checking my phone for a text message, which was unusual for me, but after the initial text telling me that they had arrived safely and the usual weather report there had been no contact until I texted her asking her when the flight was due back in to Manchester including the usual "hope you have had a nice time" included.

I logged on to the Manchester airport website and checked the arrivals.  Thankfully they had arrived ahead of schedule and my anxiety levels diminished substantially.  After a few hours of waiting fr her to phone telling me that she was home I couldn't wait any longer.  She answered her mobile phone and was on her way home in the minibus dropping off the gang.  She seemed tired and down, after a minute of making sure she was alright she told me that she had lost her suitcase!   I started laughing and couldn't help myself.  Was my anxiety a premonition of nothing more than lost luggage?

She wasn't laughing of course, she was worried.

I have just spoken to her and found out that she was worried because she had packed her jewellery, which is not exactly the crown jewels but worth more to her for sentimental value than any mace, sceptre or crown could ever do.  To top it all a pouch containing a tiny amount of my Dads ashes that she carries with her everywhere was in the suitcase too.  Why on earth did you pack these things in your suitcase I asked her, she replied that she thought her suitcase was the safest place.  She has not flown for some years!

Hopefully the suitcase will turn up soon and she will be reunited with the items that mean the world to her.

Update: Thankfully the suitcase has turned up safe and sound!

A Mad Woman Stalker And The New iPad2

Stalker

The house sale is going through once again.  Please forgive my scepticism at this stage but the whole process has been a bloody nightmare and terribly stressful for Debra.  We have had the sale fall through twice through no fault of ours and incompetence from all quarters that would make a Monty Python sketch seem realistic.

Well I had better explain the title of this blog.  It is somewhat misleading to be honest as describing Debra as a stalker would cause her to grab my goolies and swing me around the room. "she's a stalker... she's a STALKER!!! ;-)".  Of course she isn't but she could have been mistaken for one yesterday if she had been just a few seconds faster along a certain road.... read on it will become clearer.

The house sale details dropped trough the letter box and onto the mat early on Monday morning, which was another step toward our ultimate goal.  Within the letter was a form showing the full postal address of the purchasers, which by coincidence is very close to where Debra works.  Is it beginning to sink in?  She decided to take a drive past the house, just to have a nosey as to what type of people were buying from us.  What you can glean from a swift drive by is beyond me but there you go.  She drove slowly along the road taking in the area and the houses until she came to the address in question.  Right then a car reversed from the driveway of said house at breakneck speed and almost slammed into Debra's car.  Thankfully an accident was narrowly avoided and both parties drove off, one oblivious as to what had just happened and the other shaken and definitely stirred!  Debra telephone me and relayed the occurrences as they had happened.  I informed her that if an accident had occurred she would have had to pass her details to the woman who would have just picked up off her doormat and read the same house sale pack with our home address details inside.  Now that would have taken some explaining!

How disastrous  it would have been for the house sale to fall through again due to curiosity.

All is well, the house sale is still going through and Debra is avoiding certain roads in the vicinity of her work area thank goodness!

iPad 2

As for the iPad 2..... I am a sad gadget freak that just has to have one of these amazing devices, trying desperately to justify the expenditure to myself and failing to do so ...so far.  I am sure by the time they go on sale in a few weeks time I will have convinced myself that the Mangini household will not be able to function without one.

Wish Me Luck

:)

Spring Is In The Air

The Decorating Bug Is Back

Just like the seasonal flu virus that comes around every winter to shock us all and make us worry about the pro's and con's of vaccinations, so does the seasonal decoratingitis break out the moment a glimpse of sunshine, the appearance of spring bulbs poking through the soil and the sound of twittering birds getting earlier every morning.

I woke up this morning and after a few cups of tea and a round or two of toast I descended the stairs only to find the kitchen in disarray and not the usual disarray of our chaotic household kitchen. All the conservatory curtains, rails and brackets were down. Step ladders in the middle of the kitchen and up above the ceiling was like a war zone.

Debra had come down with the dreaded Decoratingitis Virus and was swiftly at fever pitch. There was no running away from it, it had struck with a force of such magnitude that no part of the house was safe. I was dispatched to the local DIY store for essential supplies, hoping that it would be a swift infection. One that could be isolated with quick decisive action, alas I fear that I am fighting a losing battle and soon I too will be overcome with this vile outbreak and forced to get out the drill, saw and heaven forbid, the paint brush.

Surely there must be a vaccination against this dastardly infection. The misery caused to the male population when other half succumbs is palpable. We need research and government funds to combat this seasonal outbreak before it's too late!

Updated to say that it is too late for me, the drill has come out from the garage, I am lost to this for another year!

SAVE YOURSELVES!!

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Taxi Service

TAXI

Friday night was a blast..... NOT!

Debra went out to Manchester with her friend from work, I was stuck in the house with no prospect of a Friday night drink or two due to my offer to pick them up at whatever time they had had enough.

Time seemed to tick by so slowly that evening, even the extremely funny Lee Evans at the O2 didn't seem to make the time progress any faster. Anyway the time eventually came when my phone rang and Debra's voice chirped up "ready to be picked up, just come out of the pub, come and get us"... "it might be an idea to give me a clue as to which pub you have just come out of" I replied... (giggle, giggle) "oh yes!". This went on for a few more mind numbing seconds before I told her where to wait for me. Into the car and full blast down the road to Manchester. It was an abysmal night of rain lashing the streets and I just wanted my bed. As I reached Manchester and started working my way through the backstreets it seemed eerily quiet and deserted except for a few drunken, sodden soles walking down the middle of the streets, shouting into their phones seemingly pleading with their local taxi firm to come to the rescue. The highlight of my evening was creeping up along the road as close as possible and giving them a blast of the horn to shift them out of my way, I wish I had set my video recorder up now, their reactions were priceless and might have netted me a bob or two from You've Been Framed too! Thankfully Debra and her friend were waiting where I had directed them to and they were surprisingly coherent, I was quite shocked to be honest. I had spent all evening awaiting the call and they didn't even have the decency to get pissed so that I could have had further fun. What is the world coming to!

After taking a ten mile detour to drop her friend off we finally arrived home in the early hours of Saturday morning and I flopped in bed, totally ignoring the noise coming from the other side of the bed, no not Debra snoring just her telling me all about the evening, which she had already done half an hour earlier in the car. Maybe she was more drunk than I originally thought!

6:30 am, Olivia and her friend start making noise, "shhhhhhhhhh be quiet, Oscar is asleep" she shouted (not so) quietly as she passed by him. He heard her but didn't rise to the goading and just shoved his head under his pillow until they had taken the hint and left him alone.

Bleary eyed I got up and pulled my self together. They were making preparations for their day trip to Blackpool Pleasure Beach and I was the designated taxi service for them and a couple of others.

Back down to Manchester, back along the familiar streets home and back up the stairs to bed!

My god it's knackering being a Taxi Driver!!

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Finally The Back Door Can Be Opened Up To The Sunshine

Look Up Take A Breath And See Blue Sky

At last I have been able to open the conservatory door up and attach the hook to keep it in this unfamiliar state for as long as possible.

The kids are off school and Oscar especially has been bored to tears this week. Anyone would think he has got nothing to occupy him in his cramped bedroom, guitar, drums, keyboard, playstation, telly! All of which could drain a nuclear power station of energy if they were played with simultaneously! Olivia has been her usual happy go luck self, making demands upon our resources and floating around the place as if she were an empress, where has my little princess gone?

I have just had my first cup of tea outside, sat on the decking since the weather turned sour (probably march 2009!) and Oscar came outside, which was shocking in it's own right! "can I have my bike out Dad, I am going out". After the initial shock had worn off I jumped up and hurried to the garage to dig out his bike before he changed his mind. As I watched him ride off it amazed me how he still remembered! Sitting back down to enjoy my cuppa once again I had just closed my eyes and turned my face to gain as much vitaminD as possible when Olivia turned up asking me to get out the hoover and the ironing board so that her jobs could be done. I wonder if she is so keen to be doing her chores because she is off to Blackpool Pleasure Beach on Saturday with her friends, no of course not, stop being such a cynic Mr Mangini!

Up once again to fight with the ever growing ironing pile and retrieve the ironing board and hoover. She was left to her jobs and I returned to the decking to resume my vitaminD top up. I picked up my cup of tea and took a swig, GOD DAMN IT! It was freezing cold. Back into the kitchen, put kettle on, make brew, go outside, shut the bloody door behind me and lock it! Ahhh peace at last. :-)

Just heard the gate clang, OSCAR'S BACK!

Arrrrrrrrrgggghghhhh!

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Carden Park Hotel Rope Adventure Park

BIG BOGIES

A weekend surprise for Debra, Olivia and Oscar.

I came across a deal on Travelzoo website and decided it was too good to pass up. A night in the Carden Park Hotel BnB for the four of us costing £69 for us all. We stayed in a family room, which has two very comfortable and large double beds and all the mod cons you would expect. Spotlessly clean and with a view over the Golf Course and surrounding countryside that doesn't get any better.

It was our second stay at the hotel so when we arrived quite late (8pm) on Friday night we knew our way to the bar. After a swift couple of refreshing drinks it was time for something to eat. The brasserie is small but super efficient and the food delicious. Back to the bar by 9.30pm and settled into some super comfy seating for the evening. Free WiFi kept the kids occupied and copious amounts of alcohol kept Debra and I happy. The bar staff need to be sent on a cocktail training course though as there repertoire is sadly lacking. We showed them the way and eventually got passable Harvey Wallbangers, Serendipity and Vodka Martini's.

We had a great evening and the hearty breakfast the next morning helped soak up the excesses of the night before. A wander around the grounds and we passed through the rope adventure course, which looked great but the green moss on everything made it all look extremely slippy. Olivia was goading Oscar into having a go, just so that she could see what it was like and give him the opportunity to test out just how slippy everything was before she would entertain the idea. He was having none of it and eventually they got bored and wandered off, which was a pitty as I wanted to get them on video screaming along the 250ft zip wire... oh well maybe next time!

I can't praise this hotel highly enough. The staff are first class, the facilities are 5 star and the location is A1!

Keep your eyes open for a deal or two there and you won't be disappointed. I am already contemplating a return visit before the deal expires!

:-)